It’s coming on Christmas…a message of hope
It’s coming on Christmas
They’re cutting down trees
They’re putting up reindeer
Singing songs of joy and peace
Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on...
So begins “River” written by Joni Mitchell.
It’s a “Christmas song for people who are lonely at Christmas time,” Joni said in an interview in 2021.
I fell in love with Robert Downey Jr’s rendition of this classic on the Ally McBeal: A Very Ally Christmas album, which came out in 1999.
Our daughter Claire LOVED the album’s feature artist, Vonda Shepard. She loved to sing along with many of the artist’s songs, preferring LOUD renditions, and solo. Fun memory of our little reader gone too soon.
“River” takes me back to that first Christmas in 2000 without Claire. So, so hard.
There were many times that all I wanted was to find a river I could skate away on.
Joni Mitchell’s version came on the radio yesterday morning, as I was watching a river of rain flow through our campground outside of Santa Cruz, California.
But it don’t snow here
It stays pretty green
While listening, really listening to the lyrics, the melody had its own meaning in my life. To me, the song didn’t represent loneliness. It reflected my journey through grief.
At some point in those early, hard years, I realized I no longer needed a river to skate away on.
I figured out that no matter how long that river was, I wasn’t going to be able to skate away to escape my pain.
What I really needed was a paddle to navigate the waters of grief, to face all of the emotions I was experiencing.
I wish I had a river so long
I would teach my feet to fly
Through the love and support of Brad, our kids, Kyle and Ian, family, friends, and a whole community, I paddled like hell, to the other side. They all taught my feet to fly, and my broken heart to soar.
As more time passed, I learned to toss the paddle aside and just let go. To let the current and tides take me wherever I was meant to be.
Far from being adrift, I feel as though I’ve let the shore come to me. I feel anchored.
I hope that if you are reading this, and dealing with grief in any form, that my message might offer a bit of hope.
It’s okay if you feel like you need a river to skate away on. I feel you.
It’s okay if you are feeling sad, angry, lonely or really pissed off especially during this time of year. I’ve been there.
I pray that life presents you with the guidance to steer you in the right direction.
And once you get there, that you can just let go.
It’s coming on Christmas
They’re cutting down trees
They’re putting up reindeer
Singing songs of joy and peace
Photo credits: In order; BarbaraALane, Hans, and Starflames, Pixabay
